It’s only fair to warn you that there will be triangles. Lots of them. If you don’t like triangles it may become tiresome or even make you run shrieking and crying from your computer. Some will be one colour, others may be another colour. Either way, if you’re not a fan of them it’s going to be tough. Personally I’m OK with triangles, which is convenient as I’m probably going to see a lot more than you.

So there you have it. Triangles.



So, I had this great idea for a business for someone to start up. When you order toothbrushes online from a supermarket you can’t choose the colour. This is obviously terrible, I mean who wants to end up with a blue toothbrush when everyone knows your’s are always green and someone else’s are always blue. It would be madness.

How about someone enterprising out there buys a few thousand of each make and model so they would have the full range of colours, and then sets up an online shop (eBay would be fine) where you could choose the colour you wanted. I would certainly use such a service, as long as (1st class) postage was free and they cost no more than at Tescos.

I appreciate there’s no money to be made from this (otherwise I’d be doing it already), but you would make lots of friends and it would solve one of modern life’s biggest dilemmas.

Let’s make this happen!

PS An EP is forthcoming.

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Yes, I know, some time ago I claimed this new album was nearly done, so where on earth is it? Well, the holdup is my arse, or rather lack of it. I realised a little while back that in the modern pop world, as exemplified by high priestess of pop Nicki Minaj, a pumped up rear end is a necessity. Not naturally blessed with much of an arse to speak off (it’s functional, but nothing more), over the last few months I’ve been building it up with regular injections of stuff. But progress has been slow and messy. Just to give you an idea of what I have achieved so far, here is the before and after:


Unfortunately, my ‘people’ will only let me release something once I achieve my target of this:










At which point, as Diplo has so eloquently pointed out, I will be able to “express myself” fully.

As you can see, I’ve some way to go. But I think you will also agree, good progress is being made. So there you go, that’s why the album is delayed. Hope that clears the matter up for you.

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9 out of 10 ain’t bad

So 9 tracks are pretty much done out of the 10 I’d started, and I haven’t quite given up on the last one anyway (the middle bit is great, it’s just the rest of it doesn’t sound like anything else on the album and is possibly a little bit shit). I shall be carrying on writing obviously, but for now great minds have been stirred into thinking about exposing it to the public at large, and that is an exciting distraction.

It’s all starting to get a bit real now. I’ve bought a keytar on ebay and priced up some fingerless laser gloves for the live show ($99 – a bargain!). So basically, the template for the live show is this:

with a bit of this:

It’s a bit short that clip, but you can tell it would be the best thing you’ve ever seen if it went on for an hour. I can’t possibly see how it could fail.



As you can see, team Mint Royale have been working very very hard. So hard in fact that there is finally something to show for it all and I’ve been able to send music to people today (whoop whoop). Five children (sorry, tracks) have been sort of finished. They are currently entitled GTFU, Buzz, Pino, Whip and Yung, and I thought it would be nice to put a few snippets up on Soundcloud for you to hear. I’ve done it in an annoying radio quiz style montage but hopefully you’ll get an idea of how it might all end up sounding. Having said that, I could bin it all!! (I’m not going to – are you crazy?)

The other half of the album is also well under way so fingers crossed this might actually happen.

In other news, I’ve remixed something big and exciting but am currently waiting for half of the big and exciting thing to say she is happy with it. You can try and guess what it is if you like, but until she has spoken I would be just crazy, a loon, completely gaga, to say who and what it is. I would risk being made destitute, a vagabond, a tramp if I did. But if it DOES happen, I will divulge interesting information here.

(There may have been some clues in that last paragraph.)



In a roundabout way, I’ve got Deadmau5 to blame for all this. Earlier this year I chanced upon a live stream of him djing. He wasn’t doing one of his huge spectacular live shows, but just playing tracks in a club and he seemed to be having fun. The crowd certainly were. Much less glamorously than them, I was listening while doing stuff around the house when he played something that stopped me in my tracks. A bit of digging later I worked out it was his at-the-time-unreleased Raise Your Weapon. For the first time in a long while a dance track had really got to me (to be honest, it’s the vocal that did it) and suddenly, out of the blue, I wanted to make dance music again. Continue reading